Spending time here in Washington has been such a mixture of things. I look at the Summer loveliness of flowers blooming and swallows and robins darting through the tall grasses as I take a morning walk to the bay, kicking around pieces of seashells and looking across the water at the forest and islands far off in the distance...I feel a well of emotion stirring within me, both of incredible sadness and then in awe of so much beauty. There are old barns and fields of all kinds of bramble and I think about the time the kids will have here, how simple life will be in this place. I have always loved the crisp Pacific Northwest air and the green...all the green you see just looming up around you. People appreciate a bit of sunshine and the chance to not have to wear a coat or a sweater...it is a treat that in California we take for granted.
Suddenly though, I am pulled out of my dreamy state as I walk back to the house where I am a guest...or even a threat... and interact with the man I once called my husband and realize...this place is simple, but the life here, the details will never be. I am leaving my children with him and the drama that I have had to be patient through for the past few days. Am I really being selfish for needing quiet time here with the kids, without the new family in the way? One way or the other I am holding my ground, I need this time with my children...I need to know they are safe here.
